Coffee anyone?

I've gone slightly off the railings with this one - completely unrelated to Jewish cuisine/history/nutrition, but worth a read none the less.

Coffee. Apparently it’s the drink of this generation. If you’re not ‘going out for coffee’ you’re probably grabbing one on the go, or craving some caffeine. I’m not sure if its the taste, the smell, or the sophistication of the drink but either way, following along this train of thought I thought it would be appropriate to comment on the various types of ‘coffee drinkers’ out there. I do have to point out that each coffee drinker category is by no means exclusive. There might be a mixed breed coffee drinker, or an overlap of categories. But without further a due, here are some broad categories I have come up with. You are more than welcome to add in any others you conceive of. 

First up, there's the ‘social’ coffee drinker:

He/she might be going out to catch up with friends over a cup of coffee. Completely uninterested in the type of coffee he orders, a latte or a cappuccino are virtually the same thing. The coffee is merely a tool of something to socialise over. The coffee shop is pretty important in adding to the vibe, but generally it’s also just an accessory. Coffee, coffee shop - who cares, He is just here to chat and  might even order a can of coke if he doesn’t want to feel like an idiot ordering something that sounds Italian and causing in a boxing match in his stomach.

Onto the next: The ‘hardcore-always-on-the-hunt-for-the-ultimate-coffee’ coffee drinker:

He is the definition of a coffee drinker. I would say he is the complete opposite of the ‘social’ coffee drinker. He doesn't need to drink coffee in company - the coffee is the company. There is never a coffee good enough for him, he is always looking for something better, something with a richer, fuller flavour. Usually, the hardcore drinker will have his coffee without any additions - either plain espresso (ie. long black), or possibly a latte when he so desires a little bit of hot milk. He would never opt for iced coffee, frappacinos, or coffee with flavoured syrups. He definitely wouldn't touch instant or decaf coffee, they shouldn’t even fit under the coffee catagory. When he drinks his cup, he savours the flavour slowly and is in complete and utter bliss. He can taste the coffee before he even drinks it just by its aroma. He also analyses the foam (if he drinks it with milk) and the temperature of the beverage. He should probably just open up his own cafe.

** A variation on this one is the drinker who pretends to be an expert, but really can’t tell the different between one cup of coffee to the next.

The ‘regular' coffee drinker:

This fellow needs his daily coffee, and it needs to be exactly the same, from exactly the same café, in exactly the same sized cup. Usually the cafe will be on his way to work, or near his work place. He will usually be in a rush when he orders the coffee, and the cafe staff know his face because he arrives at the same time each day with the same frazzled look - the "I haven’t had my caffeine shot of the day look - give it to me now" kind of look you might be familiar with. He doesn't mind to drink his coffee in company, but usually the coffee is so engrained in this persons’ routine, that he'll be having it on the go, or at his desk. The regular cafe might be a franchise coffee shop, or it might be a quaint little local coffee shop. Usually its the quaint little one. He probably would have a nervous break down when his coffee shop closes - but until that day, you'll see him there...every day...

The ‘I-need-caffeine-in-me-right-now-can't-wait-a-minute’ coffee drinker:

This person doesn’t necessarily appreciate the taste of the coffee he drinks. For him, it’s the caffeine element that holds utmost importance. He might wake up every morning with the announcement “I neeeed a coffee”, and is only satisfied once the caffeine is running through his system. His craving for coffee might be at 3:00pm at work, where the caffeine is vital to get him through the rest of the day. It might be at 1:00am, studying for an exam or finishing off an assignment where the coffee is essential. Whenever it is, he needs the coffee – NOW. He is unable to focus on anything else, other than his brain commanding him to self-caffeinate. Once he drinks the coffee, he is at ease. His face returns to its normal colour. His eyes are no longer bloodshot. And he can resume normal life once more.

The 'I-love-the smell–of- coffee–and-the- coffee-shop-vibe' coffee drinker:

Just for the hell of it, this coffee drinker is a 'she'. She doesn't particularly enjoy drinking coffee. In fact, she never drinks coffee at home, and doesn't covet a coffee machine. Not that she'll admit it, but she only goes to cafes for the atmosphere. She will read all the articles in magazines and the paper about the latest, funky coffee shop to check out. And she will - check it out. Because for her - its about the vibe, the music, the smell of the freshly ground coffee beans, and the people the cafe attracts. You might classify her as a bit of a “social coffee drinker” but for her, the café is an important element to her social activities. Ok, I’ll admit – this is a little reminiscent of myself.

The ‘coffee is water’ coffee drinker:

This guy has no limit with the amount of coffee he drinks. You’ll see him holding a cup of coffee in the morning, in the car, at work, while his eating lunch, at any social event, walking down the street, sitting in a café, on the computer, on the phone and well…pretty much at any opportunity. He probably has one of those keep cups to be environmentally friendly from time to time. But he’ll also use any regular Styrofoam cup, and it is likely he has a slightly musty looking mug that he keeps at his desk. The coffee isn’t usually any fancy variety – it might just be instant or percolated. It might be a cappuccino once or twice a day. It doesn’t really matter. Drinking coffee is second nature to him. Don’t be surprised if he has stained teeth and runs to the toilet all day. You might also choose to call him an addict.

The ‘hot chocolate/mocha/fake’ coffee drinker:

I don’t think this one has the right to say she is going out for ‘coffee’ when in fact, she has never drunk a cup of coffee in her life. She’ll always order the hot chocolate or milkshake, and sometimes a mochacinno if she’s feeling experimental. Noone really notices, because she’ll never instigate the coffee outing. It will always be suggested by someone else, and because she completely despises the taste of coffee – she’ll be forced to order something that looks similar. The truth is, most of the coffee drinkers will be a little envious when they see that little marshmallow bobbing on the top of the hot chocolate, and they have to deal with a burnt, slightly tepid latte.

The ‘instant’ coffee drinker:

She likes her coffee instant. All she needs is a kettle, a jar of instant coffee with a splash of milk and maybe a couple of teaspoons of sugar and she’s good to go. No need for fancy cafes, with their complicated coffee orders. She is happy drinking her one cup of coffee in the morning – made exactly the way she likes it. She’ll offer her friends a cup of coffee when they come over – but they’re usually uninterested. Who drinks instant coffee these days? At least offer coffee from a real coffee machine! She has her usual blend, it might be NESCAFE or maybe an organic variety. She doesn’t mind ordering a cup of coffee once in a while, but in general – instant coffee is the way to go.

So there you go. A brief synopses on the different types of coffee drinkers out there. Of course there are many more. These categories are slight exaggerations of the truth. But I’m sure you could place your friends and yourself in of them.